As the weeks go by...

First, thank you for reading my first blog post yesterday and for the words of encouragement, support and love that many of you have sent me.  It means the world to me!

So now that I am home and the first few weeks have gone by...let me fill you in.  The holidays were AMAZING this year!  I was able to truly be "present" that was the best gift I could have asked for.  Winter break was full of house projects, fun, laughter, outings and so much more!  To be honest, I had forgotten that I had quit my job...but then January 1st came, work would resume for Zach and the kiddos would be headed back to school.  The anticipation of January 2nd and a QUIET house was enough to make this girl panic!  

Like any strong woman, I hid my fear, reverted back to auto-pilot and began to stress everyone in my family out...where did the "fun mom" go..why all of a sudden the tightly strung mom barking out orders with an occasional please, and thank you to follow? Well...it was the internal panic, the anxiety of the unknown that was settling in. BUT...this time, it was a little different.  This time- I paused, stepped away, and prayed. And slowly, the anxiety and panic became a little more manageable. I'd be lying if I said it has gone away...it hasn't.

The transition had to begin...
Who am I without Target?  I use to have a purpose every day, my calendar was always full, I'd be lucky to eat lunch, have desk time, and connect with my team.  The mornings use to begin with picking up my phone, pursing emails, jumping on calls, getting the kids off to school and running to my first meeting once I was in the office.
Now, what was my purpose?  No meetings, few appointments, no calls.  Now what?!

My phone, which I had been so attached to no longer held the same purpose, the same meaning. I relied on my phone like it was my bible.  It held the power to lead me through my day, telling me where to go, what was next, who was needing me, emailing me, calling me, texting me.  Now...it sits.  The withdrawal of the phone, of my sense of purpose was real.  I began to question...what is my purpose, where am I needed, what I am going to do?!  Panic and anxiety set in again.

Naturally, I default back to my purpose is my work.  I update my LinkedIn profile, my resume, research jobs, network, reach out, call, call, call...  BUT WAIT!!!!  
Doing all these things didn't fill me up- it filled my time up, made me worry more, and didn't leave time to be still and learn to appreciate the quiet.

So...let's reset, step back and now step back in.  Today, I start my days with true quiet time.  I get up early, read the Bible, reflect, and set the day up right.  I don't grab my phone to check emails or if I have a call or need to run.  I quietly get up, pray, read, reflect and begin my day with my kids.  

I am learning to be still in increments.  I am not still all day.  I lean on the Lord all day for comfort.  I am still searching for the what's next and where the road will lead.  I trust fully in the Lord, and know that there will be disappointments, challenges and struggles in the days ahead, but I will pause to see the lesson and use the Bible as my guide, not my phone.  Through my devotional quiet time I have found that each day, each verse has been selected for me, to direct and encourage me.  

Today's verse: Mark 11: 23 "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them"  

So with today's verse, I am comforted by our mighty God, that He will open new doors for me and that He will continue to provide and instill purpose in me.